Back before your father was born
I used to go online and search for porn
and I had magazines, DVDs
Miseducating me with their non-stop misogyny
I had misinformation on treating women properly
Maxim magazine advice that I executed sloppily
To fill the void left by parents who never talked to me
I was a little tiny man with a big world on top of me
And to be quite honest, I was afraid of girls
I arrested my development in a cartoon world
To the point where I'd fantasize about cartoon boobs
In a catatonic state with my cathode ray feeding tube
I didn't have the hottest car but at least I had employment
I had a college education and a pay day for enjoyment
you know: rent a few movies, take a few back
fill empty spaces in my life with department store crap

I used to try to socialize but that was always a chore
women didn't need men anymore so what was I even there for?
until one day when I was blurring my reality
At an office party open bar downing liquid personality
When your grandma appeared as if in a dream
and she was high society, and low self-esteem
She was the daughter of the boss of my boss' boss
surprisingly easy to talk to with how she hit the sauce
we hit it off started seeing a lot of each other
still never would I have imagined she would become your father's mother
seems I was enough of a looser to be revenge on mister Cleaver
the way her family used to touch her made her an eager leaver
so next thing you know I'm on the outskirts of town
in some big house on a hill they had laying around
to assuage their guilty conscience this was something they could give her
a safe distance from the homeless, dangerously close to the river
and some kind of alphabet soup, I dunno, PCBs?
that was being pumped and dumped by a couple of crazy companies
Ah yes, but I digress, I get ahead of myself
let's see... my life... my new wife... Your father's failing mental health
Safe to say he wasn't born into the greatest of situations
two newlywed nincompoops, BAM! baby. No preparation
See, your grandma was a lush, and I was a freak
and she would pass out and I would work out my technique
Nine months later your father appeared
She was still drunk, I was still weird
In a manicured chem-lawn world surrounded by EM fields and plastic
you have the illusion of serenity while your cells are going spastic
and we didn't even know the question, let alone have any answer
your aunt Ruth was born half eaten by cancer
DOA sad to say, that's why you never knew your aunt
seems the one thing your grandma never got was about the only thing she would want
after that it was just me you see taking care of your father
it hit your grandma pretty hard, so she hit the bottle even harder
I should have got your grandma help, but I wasn't man enough
So your uncle Ron was born with that fetal alcohol stuff
that's why he's not quite right, he's not quite wrong
Your father helped us get along and before you know his childhood's gone
you see, this stupid system screwed your family in stages
they locked your father in cages and that's the reason for his violent rages
Oh, you didn't know? He's probably never mentioned
When your dad was a teenager he took things to get attention
He wound up in and out of juvenile detention
We were raising two lost boys with lives full of apprehension
Your dad was less and less in school, more and more on the street
getting harder and harder to hire with his really ramshackle rap sheet
it's not always what you've done, sometimes it's who you know
gramma's family tried to get him jobs but half the time he wouldn't go
So, next thing you know he signs up for the corps
In our United State of perpetual war
Quickly married your mamma for the military benefit
left half his mind behind and now we never hear the end of it
He's always popping off at protesters and their 'peace is patriotic'
I don't know who's right or wrong, but half the time he's idiotic

I suppose peace is possible, preferable at the heart of it
but that's for braver folks to decide, me and grandma wanted no part of it
we just paid our taxes... but didn't vote
It was all we could do to cope; we didn't have time for hope
We just watched the nightly news, blah, blah, blah, what wars we're winning
and all this left wing right wing left my head spinning
I stopped watching around the time they switched that chick for Peter Jennings
There was a Mets game on, that was headed for extra innings
tv talked about times being better, but that was a big bunch of crap
and Perhaps, I'm talked out, I should probably take a nap
Why don't you call your friend Jeff, go play outside
And if the sun comes out remember how I showed you where to hide
Hey! Don't hit your grandpa! You sure are your father's daughter
Later when I awaken, go with grandpa, we'll get you a loan for water
Just remember not to strap your oxygen helmet on too tight
last time your face turned white and it stayed that way all night
I wish you had a better future, so it goes... so it goes
I probably could have done better, I suppose... I suppose